Saturday, July 7, 2012

Midnight Madness

So maybe I'm just tired and over thinking things as usual, but for some reason I find myself questioning the relationship I am in. I don't know why. It's perfect...when he's here, but when he's not here (like tonight) I start to question everything. I know I love him, and he says he loves me. That should be enough...right?

I found someone who makes me happier than I have ever been. Whenever I have needed him, he's been here for me without a fault. He constantly tells me how beautiful and wonderful I am. I know I can trust him to never cheat on me or hurt me the way men have in the past. He makes me laugh and smile almost constantly, yet he can also be serious when I need him to be. He gets along so well with my daughter, and I know she is happy that he is in our lives.

So what the heck is the problem? We've been together over seven months, and it's been wonderful. Why can't I just believe in it and trust that it will last? Why does the fact that it seems too perfect cause me to worry it won't last?

I want to believe that this will last. I know he is everything I've ever wanted and more than I've ever dreamed I would find, but there's always this huge shadow of doubt and worry that creeps into my thoughts when we are apart for too long. It seems too good to be true, and now I'm afraid I'm already in too deep to handle it if it doesn't last. I try to reassure myself that it's real and I deserve this, but times like tonight I begin to doubt whether I do.

He's so much younger than me. I'm getting older, and I don't have time to waste time on a relationship that is doomed to ever last. But then again, the thought of ending things just because I'm afraid that it won't work out seems ridiculous. I want to take the risk. I want to believe that we can end up living happily ever after. It's already lasted longer than I thought it ever would, and I don't see any logical reason to worry that it won't continue to work out.

I must just be tired. I'm acting like a crazy person. I've dated enough losers to know that I have found a great guy. I need to get a grip and just hang in there. Why would any sane person run from a perfect relationship just because they are scared that there is a small chance it won't work out? There are never any guarantees, and this is the best relationship I have ever been a part of. I need to control my paranoia and fear, or I'll end up ruining the best thing I've ever had over absolutely nothing.

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